delusion noticing delusion came from the delusion of "noticing"

talk about itch!  i kept half recognizing that i could be in noticing categories instead of trying to notice the constituents.  most surrendered to "thinking" intstead of its thoughts.  and of course that not so stable because that was just a thought that readily continued into "thinking" about it, "trying" to understand it.  kind of accepted next that it was "urge" or "desire" TO think, or for that matter to desire (to want to desire! - actually to desire and to ahhh have it filled, imageized for me by Star Trek Planet Video Game episdode).  That i could be in that urge.  Actually, could be in the consideration of freeze framing "urge" because rationally it seems urge is inter-defined with its object.  Yet urge is a category, and i get categories.  and yet, just as "ration" becomes tiresome, so does pursuing urge.

inspiration for entering today was getting a category of "sense of self".  (it feels though like it just slipped away)  itch; pain; thought; urge.  any of those to be noticed, but noticing already being a pulling away from a center.  or maybe more accurately the center having pointed out and is conscious of the reflection of the end of that ray first and then follows back along it.  almost like though each level itself becomes conscious, ie turns around to face the center (and interlaces with the proximal level).

anyway, can only sit with urge so long without "entertaing" it requiring the other end of the stick, the itch of that urge.  i guess the category of sense of self came from Fred's blog.  Basically, in noticing that someone else is in delusion, "who" is noticing THAT.  there could only be something pointing out to notice that.  that has been hard to get under, except just now getting that "noticing" an itch, pain, thought, etc is "noticing".  noticing a delusional person is just an itch.  and what wants to notice but a sense of self?

and maybe that sense of self turing around and pointing to the center is "giving its life" to it.  for this category to interlace now, it has to allow the it"s'elf" to be provided for by the center.  it can still have a sense as it evaporates center-wise along the ray.  instead of pointing out, now exhausted from so much pointing.

and so simplicity.  no providing for the future because there's no taking care of that future self because the sense of self is tired of pointing out to imagine a future self to maintain ITSELF.  let this sense right now be infused by a center, by inspiration, by peace, by no thing ness.  not that it can quite apprehend this, but it senses it can relate itself to what's center to it instead of what came out of it.