a sub-personality moment. reading with overall amazement, and some disconcert at all the insight, understanding, etc and knowing that i meet him at a later point still troubled. this comes to a crescendo for me in the sentence "The more one can get to know a sub-personality - on their own or with the guidance of hypnotherapy - the easier it is to notice when it tries to make an appearance." AS i read I realize this sense i've been having is probably a sub-personality itself.. That if others experience such difficulty and failure - that on top of this others seem way more qualified than i - what point is there in me trying. This is, I started to recognize recently, in the realm of religion,- almost simultaneously seeing it as a collective (archetype?). In all the history of spiritual endeavor look at HOW MUCH has seemingly come to naught. This easily becomes anger and ridicule at religion instead of dealing with personal sense/feeling of inadequacy, both because of others' keeping that question on the table AND the betrayal of them selling out and becoming zombie's in spiritual robes. When I realized that Buddha was saying that the ONE "I am" was realizing it was that in its formerly dreamy sense of separate location, I also saw worshiping "other" was the other side of the coin for the despair of "others can't do it so this is too hard". Both keep Me asleep. Since of course there's an endless continuum and recombining of these to tritrate with (anger/ridicule from either pole at the other pole just being within this one dynamic). From this realization (coming off Fred's similar in his new intro on his homepage), there is a new awe at the ability of awakeness to find a way to turn every loving "mechanism" of self-awareness and USE that same to put Itself back to sleep. Jesus' sharing of "the kingdom of God is within, and at (your own) hand" becomes an immense religion mostly pointed away from Self! And Escher-like, I can either fall into "OMG look how even harder that proves things to be" or "wow, i see the simplicity - FROM I AM - how tragi/comic playing at not I AM can become.
Now for further crescendo! I'm having this sort of epiphany, considering making note of it but deciding I just want to read some more, and if i stopped all the time - well, look how much time i've spent here and if i stopped all the time where would i get! Nick's next sentence though is "Today before Clever Trevor leads me down this primrose path, I recognize what he's up to and stops him in his tracks." Talk about stopping me in MY tracks! So I take the suggestion, and derail! To give attention to this depre ssive sub-personality that sees and self-proves (without seeing that!) the enormous worthlessness of it ALL as well then in every thing. I'm not as good as Nick (tongue in cheek there) at recognizing much less naming. I'll always remember when I did come up with Recriminator for the critical one of anything done, usually even seeming like the only motivator to be able to change to another thing to do! This came during time of therapy with Felicity, which is great marriage partner name for Recriminator! So this new sub-personality's name hasn't percolated up yet. I FEEL the "I'm not good enough; I don't know whether to force it; i'm critical of the premise to just let it go for now, that's an excuse". I DO choose Ease though. I forgive that "hard" was imposed on me, and choose the ease of seeing how easy THAT is!
Saturday, October 22, 2016
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
can a problem solving support group transcend the problem?
gathering problems together. allowing the differences of form to "speak" to each other so the ONE problem is enunciated behind them all. Then experiencing how recognizing the problem is identical to knowing the solution.
dilemma of AA is having applied the ONE to a specific form of problem as well as a specific form(ula) of solution (as broad and general as it was to be helpful at the time). without having a spiritually evolved itself, it became the repository for a new egoic identity, that when it was new and fresh had not developed yet. now, just like other religions, it helps those that can follow its message to its original inspiration. and even on the identity level, it provides a much more helpful crutch than the actively-using crutch. if unconscious identity-making could be warned against, then that would be a help to know that AA identity is the same problem reoccurring as existed with fixating the relationship with drugs. that would prevent the latter from reoccurring because "moving away from the drink" for some people would include moving away from the precept that a substance has power over choice (that's why moderation and harm-reduction is a better choice for some people from the beginning). reframing AA as less absolute would be an interesting challenge because of its being co-opted by the "choice has been removed" premise versus the "drink question has been solved" attitude. the latter went perfect with the "spiritual progress" premise, that moving identification along is the real issue. AA entering its "worldly state" of becoming common didn't find away to reinvent itself and so becoming a substitute identity for addicts - now one that keeps relapse demonstrated front and center. early AA actually "graduated" the pre-school of the 12 steps to Oxford Group Christianity, after the depth of brotherly connection was supplied first by the trenches of shared addiction histories (that ossified Christianity of itself could not initiate for these members). Once the love in connectioin was found, even the love behind the religions could be recognized/deciphered. it would be really interesting what non-religious members found as spiritual progress, since for me finding novelty in the traditional still seems like a little back-sliding (after all, religions themselves by definition are founded in relative novelty. although "novel" is just a fresh rearrangement of what's eternal, so finding a way to appreciate this would be wonderful). quintessential was the "novel" of higher power concept being supreme to previously existing authorities. even use of conventional concepts within AA, by the success of AA, had become a lesser power to the divinity within the individual being the authority of any form of higher power concept itself (reflecting the commandment to hold no graven image - or concept). if AA held trued to this, it might have demonstrated in its affairs a way to evolve instead of ossify spirituality.
the organizational success seems more significant. first dilemma would be translating the primary purpose. is AAs success only possible because of the "lash"? could "lesser" problems provide enough motivation for establishing oneness in a group? by definition it couldn't be the primary motivation anyway, because seeing through the facade that a problem is - lessens the fear lash that it has. religions already are the non-specific problem group organizations. why do some of us seem driven to more problem-specific centered spirituality? more important, is it helpful to evolve the latter when the point is to eventually not need the temporary solution (could AA have tried installing recognition of when to dismantle no longer required expedients? the "jails, institutions, and death" threat being my easy example - that keeping fear (even of that first drink) prominent makes IT a higher power).
so maybe a "graduate school" for 12 steppers, but at the same time a reversion to a one-room school house, a reintegration returning from all the specializations/segregation of this world (our individual worlds!). but along the lines of a one-room school, it would also invite those whose not so definable problems made them "homeless", and now feeling left out just like 12 steppers felt left out until their problem brought them together. to the degree that people can have feel like they have a problem, yet would go to a support group that emphasizes one mother problem (that through recognizing also means no problem), the movement might be self-motivating. (maybe even enough hard core problems would be attracted enough to this to still provide the fear factor of the "bottom" for others!) the form of the 12 steps maybe could still be used for continuity, with a rewording for familiarity yet new evolution. Foremost would be the return of the individual/self as THE expression of its own higher power (and whatever caveat that the expression is always defined by the Self that it is beyond form). perhaps the 1st step would be "came to recognize that the hypnosis of experiencing self as separate had turned into too much suffering".
an emphasis of the new format would be facilitating how recognizing a problem provided its solution.. right now i'm thinking there's a problem that i can't even come up with a simple illustration of this. everything i've been writing has come easily and feels sensible to me. how come there's a fear of coming to a dead end here (and so even the suggestion that all before is bull shit)? well, a pre-eminent rule is that putting attention on something, especially as a problem, is what CAUSES the problem. so ill use "faith" right now that a sense of struggle means to "put aside", not "double-down" on struggle. i'll return tomorrow as flow brings me back to it.
well that didn't happen. i'll "complete" this creation and start another when ready for the question of problem reuniting with solution, or recognizing the different parts of a pattern.
dilemma of AA is having applied the ONE to a specific form of problem as well as a specific form(ula) of solution (as broad and general as it was to be helpful at the time). without having a spiritually evolved itself, it became the repository for a new egoic identity, that when it was new and fresh had not developed yet. now, just like other religions, it helps those that can follow its message to its original inspiration. and even on the identity level, it provides a much more helpful crutch than the actively-using crutch. if unconscious identity-making could be warned against, then that would be a help to know that AA identity is the same problem reoccurring as existed with fixating the relationship with drugs. that would prevent the latter from reoccurring because "moving away from the drink" for some people would include moving away from the precept that a substance has power over choice (that's why moderation and harm-reduction is a better choice for some people from the beginning). reframing AA as less absolute would be an interesting challenge because of its being co-opted by the "choice has been removed" premise versus the "drink question has been solved" attitude. the latter went perfect with the "spiritual progress" premise, that moving identification along is the real issue. AA entering its "worldly state" of becoming common didn't find away to reinvent itself and so becoming a substitute identity for addicts - now one that keeps relapse demonstrated front and center. early AA actually "graduated" the pre-school of the 12 steps to Oxford Group Christianity, after the depth of brotherly connection was supplied first by the trenches of shared addiction histories (that ossified Christianity of itself could not initiate for these members). Once the love in connectioin was found, even the love behind the religions could be recognized/deciphered. it would be really interesting what non-religious members found as spiritual progress, since for me finding novelty in the traditional still seems like a little back-sliding (after all, religions themselves by definition are founded in relative novelty. although "novel" is just a fresh rearrangement of what's eternal, so finding a way to appreciate this would be wonderful). quintessential was the "novel" of higher power concept being supreme to previously existing authorities. even use of conventional concepts within AA, by the success of AA, had become a lesser power to the divinity within the individual being the authority of any form of higher power concept itself (reflecting the commandment to hold no graven image - or concept). if AA held trued to this, it might have demonstrated in its affairs a way to evolve instead of ossify spirituality.
the organizational success seems more significant. first dilemma would be translating the primary purpose. is AAs success only possible because of the "lash"? could "lesser" problems provide enough motivation for establishing oneness in a group? by definition it couldn't be the primary motivation anyway, because seeing through the facade that a problem is - lessens the fear lash that it has. religions already are the non-specific problem group organizations. why do some of us seem driven to more problem-specific centered spirituality? more important, is it helpful to evolve the latter when the point is to eventually not need the temporary solution (could AA have tried installing recognition of when to dismantle no longer required expedients? the "jails, institutions, and death" threat being my easy example - that keeping fear (even of that first drink) prominent makes IT a higher power).
so maybe a "graduate school" for 12 steppers, but at the same time a reversion to a one-room school house, a reintegration returning from all the specializations/segregation of this world (our individual worlds!). but along the lines of a one-room school, it would also invite those whose not so definable problems made them "homeless", and now feeling left out just like 12 steppers felt left out until their problem brought them together. to the degree that people can have feel like they have a problem, yet would go to a support group that emphasizes one mother problem (that through recognizing also means no problem), the movement might be self-motivating. (maybe even enough hard core problems would be attracted enough to this to still provide the fear factor of the "bottom" for others!) the form of the 12 steps maybe could still be used for continuity, with a rewording for familiarity yet new evolution. Foremost would be the return of the individual/self as THE expression of its own higher power (and whatever caveat that the expression is always defined by the Self that it is beyond form). perhaps the 1st step would be "came to recognize that the hypnosis of experiencing self as separate had turned into too much suffering".
an emphasis of the new format would be facilitating how recognizing a problem provided its solution.. right now i'm thinking there's a problem that i can't even come up with a simple illustration of this. everything i've been writing has come easily and feels sensible to me. how come there's a fear of coming to a dead end here (and so even the suggestion that all before is bull shit)? well, a pre-eminent rule is that putting attention on something, especially as a problem, is what CAUSES the problem. so ill use "faith" right now that a sense of struggle means to "put aside", not "double-down" on struggle. i'll return tomorrow as flow brings me back to it.
well that didn't happen. i'll "complete" this creation and start another when ready for the question of problem reuniting with solution, or recognizing the different parts of a pattern.
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