dimensions of obsession, meaning that occurrences mesmerize me in their time frames. the latest big one was yelling at Gregg at Bed/Bath. this has been eating at me for a couple of weeks. just now eating without the TV, and savoring the bites, i noticed the relapse into thinking provided that opportunity for mesmerization. instead of a "thoughtless" return to savoring, i was captivated by the why, how i could do it yet again, why bother trying, am i sincere when trying if i fail so much, etc.
i'm not sure it was all these, but these are the standards i had no problem coming up with just now. i actually noticed (maybe thought again!) what i'm describing now. i was about to go longer into the above detours, when i decided it WAS just mesmerization.
actually, what i'm just thinking is that FAILURE is the mesmerizing concept. i failed in not being angry (to honor, to be loving, to apply ACIM, ...) and of course that is a large dimension, lasting weeks to obsess on. failing to be mindful are eddies the dimension of minutes.
and guilt of course is probably the real mesmerizer. what is failure except the accusation by guilt, and lets not forget which sets it up too. talk about a mesmerizing circle!
so how about traversing time without so many black holes! all that presence! all those breaths! (like breathing so only to exhale while savoring what i chew) just not the black holes!
so what about all the over eating, TV, depression (oh woe is me mezmer?) et al? those are "big" mezmers. but in the end there's just that one mezmer - not being in the moment (ie guilt). just worrying about "big mezmers" is an anxious projection of my future behavior. and will i do without THAT black hole?! stay tuned ... :)
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