still meandering

... (is that enough for today?!)

if i had to call Leslie now ________

let me go back to "i ask and i follow".  i am.  i am awake.  i need do nothing.  i ask, what ways am i not aligned with the truth of that.  of course after Nick i tempted myself with my flight and shutting down mechanisms.  do i focus on not shoulding myself about those (actually notice, what, that my energy drop was a shoulding drop already about those, but that in considering that may be the case i didn't droop as much as i'm guessing might otherwise be?).  as for Nick, well, there's my same communication resentment that his sights were set on.  so i ask for more clarity about that.  and Nick himself? - not being totally at peace how do i separate him from that resentment.  i'll state "i forgive myself for communicating things or in patterns that didn't share i and you are love."  i seek a future different than the past so i forgive the apprehension of "happened again so will happen again".

still "planning" to stuff myself and find the squashing of demeaned muscle