(draft wasn't published, so this was written before "next" post)
It's been hard to "want" to do a 4th step about Jody incident. I've got to do this first - first things first. I obviously have anger, and obviously it is even rage. But I can't be starting with the Jody rage incident, even though the 4th step would (although it is being used to precipitate this and preceding inner focus).
By the way, I am not a body, I am free, I as still as God created me. There is no peace except the Peace of God, and for that I am thankful. And I remember to ask for help, and give this writing to spirit, my One Infinite/Intimate Self. I need only concern myself with my willingness and the ability of my spirit Amness.
My self image doesn't consider anger good - for its image! Yet i minimize it with contempt and dislike instead. The anger is like trying to manage drinking, and the rage a binge. Of course, I'm back at me not being a loving person. I guess that's the self image that crops up when I wonder at all why I'm angry, or can't do acceptance of anger, or be a person who is comfortable in their anger. Yet this age old realization, or all the on going "work", ACIM, meditation, etc hasn't uprooted or pruned it away (enough, according to my self image).
That last parenthesis reminds me of the pride disclosure I made of my self image at the AA meeting. The sense that I should be good enough at all this, but really just the pride of looking like i'm all that. Originally as a good person that would obviously nice, and then the rage that comes from the conflict of "not" being so because of my ubiquitous anger. Then work at spirituality and the self expectation of how that should manifest, first in my eyes (seemingly), but then as a remedial for how i hope i can look to others (even retro - as in look how good and wounded he was that he had to resort to all this work, and how actually holy cause see how he turned it around, and so special that he could make all THAT into something special now).
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