i ask and i follow what is answered. the i consciously writing this is the effect of I that is source of its and m"i" experience. this is starting freehand because i'm experimenting with the latter concept to uncork the bottleneck between the heavy should and spontaneous creativity. the "pen to paper" instruction (especially of resentments) versus writing whatever i want (or really not at all! - so versus not doing any at all: journaling, essays following branches of thoughts poking through my mind, desires!, organizing (listing some items of possible pursuit, scheduling activities, categorizing all these to de-clutter!) to offer efficiency, recording quotes, short occurrences like "change the bee!", ...
one idea, even different than above, is an invented addressing of Leslie for the psyk interview. as well then, other people i might address like Fred, or even Jody (maybe that would be my lead in to then doing resentment work).
So as the last parenthetical cycled me back, this is what i ask, and which answer i am willing to follow. for now i imagine sitting down to this quite frequently, but taking it easy because it's my simple willingness i focus on. that's a lead in to an essay on how the sense of effort is suborned to that (and trust, Presence, etc. and back to a theme that started this: uncorking. now of the bottleneck between "simple" willingness and the place or perception of effort.
was all this "effort" simple willingness and part of "asking"? (sure wasn't a short amount of time!) i'm not going to meditate right now!, as was before my best guess "should" because it was supposed to be ("obviously" was) willingness And listening!
so sustaining source which gives awakeness to this experience of i am, what say "you"?
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