Frozen, to write or not to write, starting or not with the "why", behind "why" or forwads's.  The bing bang of all these the reality, yet this particular rivulet.  In the rivulet of meditation, I contemplated the forward "whys" of "to feel better/good/right".  Imagined behind "whys" would be the healing of consciousness, settling in one/One mind, framing in on Infinite having this particular and not the dukha of "so much" the me treadmills AS the Infinite unaware of Its placement.  Framing in on what? - the feel of fingers - typing - the idea/curiosity of fingers and keys made only in their relationship and "their" feel the prime reality.  Again, what is the Infinite facing?

So that took about 20 minutes to write.  The "why" of feeling better is wondering if there's a being convinced of (adept) ways to participate/occupy that produce a story of feeling better, while evaporating that story because there is a convinciton here that "feeling better" (future) is essentially untenable, but it's best/worst idea of not attempting betterment through its "knowing" of that intenability, gives it a long term story of dysthymia! (yet appreicates the worse possibities not travelled, from having come to "self can't get out of self).

So the idea is "occupy" 2 hours a day, split between writing and meditating.  Writing I imagine to let discontent "act" out, and meditating to stay with and honor its forms - "facing" them.  And the psylocybin is on the way, more occupying to be sufficiently adept, like some physical activity will likely want to be included.  For today, over an hour, tomorrow the two.