Propelling into the future is an offense, using the imagination to strategize. The underlying assumption is that I have to be at war. And that comes from projecting from NOW, which is uncomfortable BECAUSE I am on "edge", due to propelling much of my "prescence" away from me now to a future field.
So now is safe. Now [:)] the future is safe!
The future is safe. Ahhhh ... now I am safe now!
This blog I animated from wanting to breath devotion into this sense I was having. I almost always have felt uncomfortable deciding to record my attempts at verbal expression into written form. This time I had an inkling that the dicomfort stems a lot from this basic nervousness coming out of constant unsafeness. How can I waste "this" time if it needs to be used to guard against time looming. Just the control of writing -reconsidering a word, changing tac, loosing track, etc - is evidence of this unsafeness. I'm out of tune a beat into the future imagining I'll be displeased at what I've just written, and that static interferes with flowing, being tuned in, being ON beat.
Somehow recording this to a web blog inspires me more (reference wordpress blog). And the gift of a meditation practice I want to embellish more by having this place and time to dovetail with it.
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