multitudinous

many ideas firing off.  all feeling significant.  write this, pee, ongoing book, acim lesson i already had in mind for a few days, last moment Way of Mastery lesson to "join" others (all this multitudinous going on and i've been missing a no brainer that i really like!), sit with a feeling/energy (thrown up by missing WAM), repeat today's ACIM affirmatioins, water plants

and planning.  i may not "worry" that bathing has to be added to the above tumult, but what about planning it?  with some sense of disfunction from the lack of peace above, how can i not be tempted to plan something that seems especially necessary?  per that, my missing WAM - now twice!

i'm "doubling down" though on not being tempted to defend myself.  i am now, here, th(I)s i trust.

now pee.  then water. i didn't read much of Unique Self.  watering means finding water containment for cloth pots.  think about that while i'm peeing/watering?  haven't even recalled meditation which is foremost in my practice of doubling down on now.

ok really gotta pee.  feel like I really captured the energy of multitudinousness.

tiredness

"hard" to figure out what to do or say besides just entering that word for that energy.  "hard" lurking right after the tired anyway, but the sleepier quality makes even the hard energy slip away when noticed.  painful though. maybe like a tension leotard getting more compressed (and even "attacking") as it is more up, so especially the face, crown.  wishing i could either go up or down.  to either feel energetic and inspired to partake and/or handle the events shrapneling me:  chores, aesthetic tweaking, projects of course, aging/imminent needs (hammock), spiritual studies that are actually the only thing.  the latter though, cognition doesn't seem to have sufficient gas.  funny that getting up and tweaking on something seems like that could have momentum instead of gas, whereas reading or meditating or continuing this is too imploding, too tired.  i'm going to check  craigslist now.  that hammock will is my spiritual "duty" because i can make my tiredness spiritual by using it to join with the sun!

Gotta Finish Off energy. Gotta get this blog done!

i just finished a Sleepy hollow that i'm indecisive about watching and even recording.  good to watch some of while eating, i decide.  start tweaking on other things but try to pay enough attention to feel i'm still "completing" it.  not to mention that i get to delete (instead of inconclusively watching it later which also means i wouldn't get to delete it now).

getting THIS blog done because maybe i'll free of the energy!  more particularly this last couple days as i feel more in tune with wanting - deciding for - only heaven.  i'm ascertaining, and throwing my lot in with, the use of "my" experience of a separate awareness be about a story of opening "back" into the One.  Asking One's Will on this though, cause while this is all in the conceptual area, what else can I do?!

so i want to vision my time, resources, "other" interests to now not just be practices of the NOW, but how they support my story of THE RETURN.  Like today clearing more of the patio to have it more idyllic when i sat next to meditate and read.

but the energy mentioned still pulled at me.  the "well this extra corner is actually part of the idyllic area intended".  the "well i'm this close to this, it's more efficient than putting it of and the sense of reward is worth adjusting the original intention".  not today though, the "well its easier to keep going like this or i guess i don't want' to do the Self honoring (i'm getting a sense now of how that's the same as not believing I'm worth it, or in short - worthwhile).

i'll "finish" this here, and turn to today's practice:  Only Salvation can be said to cure.  Speak to us Father, that we may be healed.

Hardness

i'm sensing that "energies" are what are more "note"able than thoughts (and so can be passed through or : let to congeal - noticed - and so also to dissolve - unmorph).  thoughts seem like a period compared to energies, like trying to understand a sentence by staring at the period.

i'll start with hardness, difficulty, ... impossibleness!  see, already naming "it" is ... hard!  i'm ok though because it's an energy, and part of HARD is the belief/feeling that i have to get my head around it.  i can just sit here, type or not, and know HARD is just ... let's say hard! (but it is what it is).  And actually it just ISN'T because i could just sit here and not be ATTENDING to the energy of hard.  HARD doesn't get harder until it becomes a black hole of hard.

i wanted to start with hard because it's what makes other hard energies HARD.  nothing else is coming to me right now.  that's hard, that i know there's so much that could be coming to me.  that my thinking feels stuck and foggy (behind the nose bridge feels squeezed and my alertness pressed down on).  unsatisfaction, i didn't do above right, or just not enough, if i just figure out just that one little bit more ...

but there we go, UNSATISFACTION i think is going to be another energy.

but as far as HARD goes, how hard is this ... BYE!